Funerals: You’re Going to Die, So Please Read This

May 26

May 28, 2023

Greetings in the Holy Spirit!

Two weeks ago, I presided at my brother’s funeral Mass in Lewiston Idaho. Among other things, the experience reminded me of the need for all of us to have clarity around death and funerals. Last Sunday my pastor’s column was on “What happens to us after we die,” you can check it out on our website. This Sunday I want to deal with funerals. This pastor’s column not only speaks to the nature of Catholic funerals, but what our policies are at Holy Redeemer Parish. Please plan to have a Catholic funeral, and read on.

Over the past fifty years or so, Catholic funerals have fallen on hard times. Most Catholics do not have a Catholic funeral upon death, and that number continues to drop. That is very unfortunate and clearly reflects a loss of faith in general, and a lack of understanding in the meaning and value of a funeral.

In a funeral, the Church marks the “passing-over” of a soul from this life to the next. Think of the Jews being freed from slavery in Egypt by passing-over to the Promised Land. This is commemorated every year in the Jewish Passover meal. The passing-over of Jesus Christ from this life to the next is commemorated every day in the sacrifice of the Mass. In each case, a monumental change from one life to the next is being memorialized through a religious ceremony that marks the occasion. When Jesus Christ died on Calvary, he sacrificed himself on the altar of the cross for our redemption. Because Jesus Christ is God, he is not bound by the laws of time and space; therefore, at every Mass we enter into the one, eternal, sacrifice of Jesus Christ on Calvary. With a Catholic funeral Mass, the life of the deceased is religiously memorialized by being united to Jesus Christ, honored, and helped as it passes-over with Jesus from this life to the next.

All of us should be prayed for and praying for others at death, and beyond. Almost none of us are saints at death. Our entry into heaven is presaged by a purification of our sins, major or minor. Sins that prevent us from directly entering into heaven. At a Catholic funeral, we gather to pray for the dead who are undergoing a final purification in Purgatory. At a funeral Mass, we offer the one, eternal sacrifice of Christ to the Father for the repose of the soul of the deceased. This is what it means to “offer” a Mass for someone. The Mass is a sacrifice and we can and should offer our intentions toward the merit of that sacrifice for the repose of the deceased’s soul. Remember, the deceased can no longer help themselves, we can only merit while we live on earth. These souls are totally at the mercy of our prayers, sacrifices, and penances for help.

At a funeral, the grieving have an opportunity to come together to be consoled by God and each other, and this includes those that we may not be aware of. We are social beings. A funeral allows a community (family, Church, etc.) a chance to process death in the context of faith in Jesus Christ. The community of believers gets a chance to process grief, express gratitude, ponder our own death, pray for each other, receive direction from the Word of God, find closure, and most importantly receive God’s grace. Our faith in God is strengthened when we honor fallen Catholics with a funeral, and it is weakened when we don’t.

With all the spiritual and temporal benefits of a funeral, why are fewer families having them? Most Catholics just don’t know the merits of a funeral from a faith they no longer practice. Most people are older when they die, and even if they were practicing Catholics, most of their adult children and grandchildren are no longer practicing the Catholic faith of the deceased. Therefore, the people who are responsible for funeral arrangements do not have an appreciation of, or interest in, arranging a Catholic funeral for their deceased loved one. We need to teach our adult children that we want and expect a Catholic funeral at our death. Don’t assume that your adult children will make the right decision in this matter; they need you to spell it out for them.

Here are some things to know and plan for when having a Catholic funeral anywhere, and specifically at Holy Redeemer Parish.

Call the parish before you set the date and time of a funeral. We are here to help and we know what we’re doing. We don’t expect you to be knowledgeable in this area. We will guide you and your loved ones through this last chapter of life.
Who can have a Catholic funeral at Holy Redeemer? Any deceased Catholic, practicing or not. Why not non-Catholics? We must respect the religious beliefs and practices of non-Catholics during their life and after their death as well. If they chose not to become a Catholic in life, then we can’t impose our faith on them in death. If they are not Catholic but want a Catholic funeral anyway, then that would be disrespectful to Christ for whom communion with His Body, the Church was spurned.
We do funerals – we don’t do memorial services or celebrations of life. What’s the difference? A funeral will have the body present, either in a casket or in an urn. Why is that so important? The body and the soul are inextricably united. The body is not merely a random vessel of the soul, but part of a person’s immortal being; without it, you are not you. Without a body present at a funeral, we are not uniting you to Jesus Christ for the passing-over of your soul and body [which are one in being]; rather, we are sharing memories (eulogy). We don’t throw birthday parties for someone unless they are going to be there.
Regarding full body burial or cremation: Cremation was forbidden by the Church until the past few decades. The Church has always preferred full body burial out of a greater respect for the importance of the body. Of the roughly 10,000 canonized saints, none of them were willingly cremated: that says a lot. What’s more, if our Christian ancestors could afford full body burial, with far less means than we have today, then our excuses seem to melt away. At any rate, if there is cremation, the remains must be permanently interred at a cemetery either by burial or placement in a crypt or columbarium. We will not do a funeral if we know that the remains will be treated in a manner other than what was just stated. Here are a few pertinent lines from a Church document entitled: Instruction Ad resurgendum cum Christo regarding the burial of the deceased and the conservation of the ashes in the case of cremation.
- A. (#3) By burying the bodies of the faithful, the Church confirms her faith in the resurrection of the body, and intends to show the great dignity of the human body as an integral part of the human person whose body forms part of their identity. She cannot, therefore, condone attitudes or permit rites that involve erroneous ideas about death, such as considering death as the definitive annihilation of the person, or the moment of fusion with Mother Nature or the universe, or as a stage in the cycle of regeneration, or as the definitive liberation from the “prison” of the body. Furthermore, burial in a cemetery or another sacred place adequately corresponds to the piety and respect owed to the bodies of the faithful departed who through Baptism have become temples of the Holy Spirit and in which “as instruments and vessels the Spirit has carried out so many good works”.
  Tobias, the just, was praised for the merits he acquired in the sight of God for having buried the dead, and the Church considers the burial of the dead, one of the corporal works of mercy.
  Finally, the burial of the faithful departed in cemeteries or other sacred places, encourages family members and the whole Christian community, to pray for and remember the dead, while at the same time fostering the veneration of martyrs and saints.
  Through the practice of burying the dead in cemeteries, in churches or their environs, Christian tradition has upheld the relationship between the living and the dead and has opposed any tendency to minimize, or relegate to the purely private sphere, the event of death and the meaning it has for Christians.
- B. (#4) The Church continues to prefer the practice of burying the bodies of the deceased, because this shows a greater esteem towards the deceased. Nevertheless, cremation is not prohibited, “unless it was chosen for reasons contrary to Christian doctrine.”
- C. (#5) When, for legitimate motives, cremation of the body has been chosen, the ashes of the faithful must be laid to rest in a sacred place, that is, in a cemetery, or in certain cases, in a church or an area, which has been set aside for this purpose, and so dedicated by the competent ecclesial authority. From the earliest times, Christians have desired that the faithful departed become the objects of the Christian community’s prayers and remembrance. Their tombs have become places of prayer, remembrance, and reflection. The faithful departed remain part of the Church who believes “in the communion of all the faithful of Christ, those who are pilgrims on earth, the dead who are being purified, and the blessed in heaven, all together forming one Church.”
- The reservation of the ashes of the departed in a sacred place ensures that they are not excluded from the prayers and remembrance of their family or the Christian community. It prevents the faithful departed from being forgotten, or their remains from being shown a lack of respect, which is possible, especially once the immediately subsequent generation has passed away. Also, it prevents any unfitting or superstitious practices.
- D. (#6) For the reasons given above, the conservation of the ashes of the departed in a domestic residence is not permitted . . . the ashes may not be divided among various family members.
- E. (#7) In order that every appearance of pantheism, naturalism or nihilism be avoided, it is not permitted to scatter the ashes of the faithful departed in the air, on land, at sea or in some other way, nor may they be preserved in mementos, pieces of jewelry or other objects. These courses of action cannot be legitimized by an appeal to the sanitary, social, or economic motives that may have occasioned the choice of cremation.
- F. (#8) When the deceased notoriously has requested cremation and the scattering of their ashes for reasons contrary to the Christian faith, a Christian funeral must be denied to that person according to the norms of the law.
Make it clear to your family that you want a Catholic funeral regardless of what they want. Put it in your last will and testament to have a Catholic funeral, and if cremation, to bury the ashes all together in a cemetery.
What is the cost of a funeral? At Holy Redeemer it is a free will offering, usually a family gives between $100 - $500, yet the parish has no expectation of compensation – you don’t have to give anything. The real cost is determined by the funeral home and what you want, and that can vary greatly.
Holy Redeemer has funerals on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Remember, for all of human history until the automobile, only locals could attend a funeral. If the funeral is important enough to the deceased’s family and friends, then they can take time off from work or school to attend. Remember, the funeral is primarily for the deceased, not the living, and the deceased do not care (anymore) who made it to their funeral, simply that there was one.
- A. We will do funerals on a Monday if you can find a priest other than me (Fr. Nathe), who will agree to do it.
- B. Why not Fridays? We have 24 hour adoration of the Blessed Sacrament on Fridays in the church.
- C. Why not on Saturdays or Sundays? Sundays for what I hope are obvious reasons. Saturdays because the staff and I are not available.
The family may request another priest to come in, and that is fine as long as:
- A. The priest works through our office for all of the necessary protocols.
- B. The priest observes the Church’s and Holy Redeemer’s funeral policies and procedures.
We stay faithful to the liturgy of the Church, so we don’t add to the liturgy or subtract from it, not even for visiting priests.
A funeral can be small. Sometimes the deceased or family members making arrangements don’t want a big fuss; know that it doesn’t have to be. We can prepare the funeral liturgy without even meeting with the family or advertising it. We can make all the funeral liturgy arrangements if that makes you or them more comfortable, and that includes a reception in the parish center. Just make sure a funeral happens.
Eulogies are permitted at funeral vigils, receptions, the committal (graveside), in homes, etc., but as per the Order of Christian Funerals and Archdiocesan policy: we do not do eulogies at funerals. The focus at a Catholic funeral remains God and His power to save.
Normally, Holy Redeemer sends out notices for funerals with the hope that you will attend whenever possible (you don’t need to know the deceased to attend a funeral). Attending funerals is an act of charity for the deceased and their loved ones.
The Church has a wonderful tradition of having Masses offered for the souls of the deceased. Just as we pray for one another while here on earth, so too can we continue to assist our loved ones who have died with our prayers. I wrote a pastor’s column on this called “Mass Intentions.” You can find it on our website under the “Pastor Columns” tabs – 08/21/16.
Remember the Church in your will. Bequests to the Church are timeless gifts and much needed.
One of the best parting gifts you can give your loved ones is to plan your funeral for them. Make an appointment by calling the parish office; we can help you to plan your funeral liturgy before you die. Planning a funeral Mass is a true act of love, alleviating a lot of stress and work for your family members, and will go a long way towards ensuring you have one. It also sets a great example for others in your family.